RUDOLPH TO BE REPLACED?

NORTH POLE, Nov. 28, 2023 - Following an anonymous tip, our reporter, Sandy Snoop, recently spoke with Winkie Gimbel, Spokes-Elf for Claus & Company about a rumored change in their delivery strategy. While stressing that, “nothing’s been decided yet,” Ms. Gimbel confirmed that Santa, as famous the world over for his reindeer-pulled sleigh as he is for his red suit and his boundless generosity, is considering a move to horse-power – literal “horse-power,” that is.

        “It just makes sense,” Ms. Gimbel explained during our telephone interview. “The global reindeer population has been in decline for quite some time now, due to a combination of factors, including habitat loss and hunting. At the same time, the world population continues to increase. This has put a lot of pressure on our Logistics Department, as it’s important to Santa that he continue to deliver all his presents in a single night. Horses have been used to pull sleighs for centuries. It just makes sense.”

        Ms. Gimbel noted that the North Pole considered a number of different animal species, from cats to camels. “Frankly, the cats were just too small. They’re also very independent and don’t follow directions well. The camels are very promising, given their size and strength, and we’re still considering them for use in some climes.”

        “But, overall, horses just make sense,” she repeated. “They’re smart and strong and obedient and they do well in all sorts of environments. Plus,” she added, “people really like them.”

        Will this put Rudolph out of a job? “No, no,” Ms. Gimbel insisted, with a laugh. “Rudolph and the gang remain a valuable part of Santa’s team. They’ve been with us since the start and we’ll continue to rely on them, particularly in the northernmost regions of the globe, where they’re well-suited to the climate and the terrain. Santa’s not looking to replace them, he just wants to give them some much-needed help.”

        While she cautioned that a final decision has yet to be made, she also let slip that Santa is currently in talks with a Hunterdon, NJ-based equestrian facility about providing a team of horses for this year’s big Christmas delivery. Rumor has it that the recently-opened Frenchtown Riding Club is on the short list of stables under consideration and that The Man in Red himself will be visiting the facility on December fourth to check out their horses.

        A source from inside the Frenchtown Riding Club, who spoke with us on condition of anonymity, has confirmed this. “It’s all very hush-hush, of course,” our source revealed, “but we’ve already begun gearing up for Santa’s visit. He’s even bringing a team of Elves with him. There are a lot of great horse barns in Hunterdon, so we’re really honored to be in the running.”

        While Frenchtown Riding Club hasn’t publicly revealed the reason for Santa’s visit, they have publicized the visit itself. “We’re promoting it as an opportunity for kids to come visit Santa, meet our horses, have some holiday fun, and have their pictures taken. Frankly, we’re hoping to impress Santa with a big turnout of kids from the ‘Nice’ list,” our source reported.

        Will this year’s presents be delivered by reindeer or horses? Or camels, or even cats? Who knows. We’ll just have to wait and see.